I am ready to leave a few things behind as we step into a new year: my fear of judgement. Perfectionism. My inhibitions. My fear of showing my whole self, even the parts that might be misunderstood.
I'm realizing that subconsciously, even though I may try to be like, "fuck what other people think" on the outside, other people's opinions really matter to me.
I think that's part of what makes me empathetic and kind, which I don't want to change, of course, but I'm seeing differently how worrying about what other people might think has held me back in small and large ways in my life. I don't want to disappoint, let anyone down, create conflict.
So I tend to keep a lot of bits of myself, to myself. There is so much within me that feels too sacred, too precious to let out into the big, bad world of harsh criticism.
I'm protective of myself. I cling to the walls of my safe shell, letting only a few select visitors deep into its cavernous spirals, the center of which, only I really know.
Since the new year dawned though, I've been feeling an urge, a rushing wave coming through me, beckoning me to let some of that protection fade away and trust myself that I'll be able to handle whatever happens outside of that shell- that the fear itself is scarier than what will actually meet me out in the world.
I feel in transition between an inner and outer me, of sorts.
I think I've been so focused on my inner life lately, that I haven't had the extra energy to direct outwardly in many ways. But the more fulfilled, and amazed, and lucky I feel each day to be here on Earth, doing what I'm doing, the more I feel compelled to find new ways to really SHARE that with people, on different levels.
I want to share my truer, deeper, more vulnerable self more, through words and art and music in ways that I haven't really considered before, in ways that I've kept private or separate from my "work" life up until now.
I think it's time to find an integration between the inner and outer now, to strive to express my inner self more outwardly. In all the creative ways I know how to, and feel compelled to, in both my life and work, as it's really all one in the same.
But all of that means that I'm going to have to start putting more energy out there. Out into that big, scary ol' world. Put more of MYSELF out there. It means crawling out of my shell. Getting out of my comfort zone. Taking more courageous steps forward, no matter how small they might be. So...
I want to LET GO OF:
My fear of judgement from others, which I think can only start by my being less judgmental of myself.
SO I CAN LET IN MORE:
Courage to try new things.
Courage to push past my own self-doubts.
Courage to find forgiveness and act with compassion.
Courage to share my voice and vision with the world in bigger, bolder, more fully realized ways.
Courage to be as powerful as I know I really can be.
Courage to adventure and take risks.
Courage to be more selfless, less self-protecting.
Courage to believe in the signs and messages, and follow them.
Courage to accept what is, just how it is, including myself.
I want to loosen up on the reigns I have on my own self-expression and let myself break into a gallop, feel the wind in my hair, the thrill and heartbeat.
This year is about embracing what I really want for my life, even the things that seem too distant and scary.
It's about opening up the cracks of my shell to let more light in, so I can see who I really am, and what I'm truly capable of.
I'm excited to see what reveals itself.
WHAT Do you want to let go of? And what do you want to let in?
DECLARE IT FOR YOURSELF!
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